Try To Not Crap Your Pants

First off, part of this blog is a recreation of a blog that failed to post a couple weeks ago, and whose contents I failed to save. I know the postings have been a little infrequent this month, and that is partly why.

An add for  "Stromberg" the German version of "The Office"
(it is actually very funny, but the humor is much darker)

A good place for an ambush, or a day at the park

Going in reverse order, I noticed for the first time a couple weeks ago that the playground around the corner of our building which we frequent is called Teutoburger Platz. In case your classical history is a little rusty, I will refresh your memory on the fate of the Roman general Varus and the XII, XIII, and XIX Legions in the Teutoburg forest. Having been sent from Rome to pacify the newly (and presumptuously) declared province of Germania in 9 CE, Varus was leading his force of approximately 30,000 men to their Winter camp through the Teutoburg Forest, guided by a German known to the Romans as Arminius and to the Germans as Hermann (the battle is known as Hermannsschlacht or "Hermann's Battle" in German). Hermann had been given up as a hostage to the Romans as a boy, an unforgivable act of submission to the hated Romans whose urban living and proud ways irreparably offended the Germans' Gods and way of life. Now he sought to reclaim his honor by leading the Romans into a trap. Although Varus' legions were veterans, they were used to fighting in the open country of the Mediterranean and were unfamiliar with the Germans' style of battle. Making their way through the forest in a long line instead of in order of battle, the Romans soon found themselves being attacked on all sides by an alliance of German tribes, and began to crap their pants. Fighting their way through the barrage of javelins and sustaining heavy losses through me lee, the remaining Romans made a final stand in a small clearing where they were summarily crushed. With defeat imminent, Varus and the other generals fell on their swords in the Roman equivalent of Seppuku. Years later, another Roman army on a punitive expedition found thousands upon thousands of skulls nailed to trees and neat piles of bones. It was perhaps the greatest military disaster in Roman history, resulting in the famous quote from Emperor Augustus, "Varus, give me back my legions!" The defeat was so devastating, that the Romans never reused the legion numbers, an almost singular event in their history. For the Germans, it is an eternal victory representing resistance to foreign invasion by the mongrel slaves of a corrupt and decadent empire. When this park was built in the late 19th century, the Germans felt it was an appropriate name for a playground for the descendants of Hermann, perhaps because the clearing in the middle of the park is surrounded by wooded, meandering paths, or perhaps because Wagnerian operas were all the rage.


In a more recent example of people crapping in their pants, there has been an outbreak of E. coli here affecting lettuce, cucumbers, and other vegetables. It is a similar outbreak to the one we had in the US a couple of years ago, that I remember affected mostly spinach. Thus is a particularly violent strain which has actually caused some deaths due to dehydration. It is a frustrating episode for Germany, which has some of the highest food quality standards in the world, as well as the oldest food purity laws, dating from the 16th century, for beer, of course. Understandably, there haven't been too many vegetables on the menu at the von Heynitz household this week. 


Now moving on to less fecal topics...


A couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure of being invited to a BBQ, Grillenparty, for a German girl who I know through a weekly language exchange night I go to at a bar in Kreuzberg. It was a beautiful Saturday in Volkspark, one of the largest in Berlin. I loaded up my back pack with beers and after a short tram ride I was meandering through the crowded park looking for the group. I found Grillenpartys to be pretty much like American BBQ's: lots of meat, beers, dogs, kids, and no one remembered to bring a lighter, although I had the foresight to grab a box of matches from the fireplace before heading out the door. The Americans save the day once again, haha. 


Aside from getting to practice my German for many hours, I got to enjoy some leisure activities. To the right is a common sight on American college campuses, slack-lining. A sport for people who want to practice for joining the circus, just in case they graduate and find their degree makes them about as useful as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking party. The slack line is really just a long ratchet-strap used for tying down loads in trucks and trailers, but at a ridiculously inflated price. 



We situated ourselves right next to the Kletterstein or climbing rock in Volkspark. There were also sand volleyball courts nearby that were thankfully packed, since everyone assumes, because I am from Southern California, that I am remotely competent at volleyball. Anyway, some of the Germans had special climbing shoes and fanny packs with chalk in them, while I just scrambled up the thing with my tennis shoes. As you can see, it is not a difficult task; there is a shirtless German with his shoes and chalk dangling off the side, while two children survey from up top, having already climbed up using the monkey like climbing-skill being very young affords a person. 


As the sun went down we packed up our things to reconvene at a cocktail bar. I went along with the birthday girl and we made a stop at her friend's apartment to drop some things off. We were in the Friedrichschain area of former East Berlin, and she lived in a predictably bland looking commie apartment building that actually was pretty well designed on the inside. There we found her boyfriend and his buddies drinking beer and playing video games on a guys-night-in, again, very much like in the US. After our short stop we headed to the bar, which was oddly owned by Turks, who are mostly Muslim and therefore don't drink. Turks are, however, among the most moderate practitioners of Islam and have even gone so far as to ban traditional Muslim head-coverings for their women as they try to become part of the EU. They did make a pretty good Mai Tai, though certainly it was no Billy's at the Beach.


The weather continues to wax and wane, which is unsual for Berlin where the weather is typically more consistent. In some ways it has reminded me what the Springis like in the Pacific Northwest, where it will change from Sunny and clear to wind and rain several times a day. In other ways it's a bit more like Texas, going from stifling humidity to roaring thunderstorms that leave you soaked to the bone if you get caught out in the rain. It makes deciding what to dress the children (and myself) in before going out a real challenge, and I've had to dash to the U-bahn station with the carriage to avoid a very unpleasant subway ride with two wet and pissed off children. 


Once again, sorry for the patchy blog posts this month and thank you to everyone for your support, I appreciate your feedback.


Tschüss!